1 December 2006
Many people, especially women (even I have experienced this), have these repetitive and compulsive thoughts about someone…generally people they do not like. These are normally negative emotions which tend to ruin their present moment…they are carried away by these thoughts into the past…about what the person said/how he behaved one day in the past… a deep analysis of what happened follows…a lot of ‘read between lines’ and a kind of post-mortem of events happens. These events…like what was said by whom and most important -WHY (wondering what the true intention of the person could have been)… may or may not have been done intentionally…still…why is it that the negative only remains in the mind?
The person even knows that these thoughts are silly/meaningless and useless and therefore tries to stop them but sometimes cannot…these thoughts can be so compulsive that they interfere with the daily routine thus causing distress and loss of concentration on the issue at hand. It could be the case that u meet this person say for an hour in a month and for the next few days u are guaranteed of these unwanted thoughts. I began to wonder why people actually don’t like some people. This repulsive feeling could be because of many reasons…different in each case:
- when one faces hostility…especially when the surroundings/people are new…when one feels unwanted/ invisible.
- when there is competition
- when one feels his actions are controlled/dictated/restricted by someone.
- misunderstanding between people mainly because of difference in the outlook/opinion (because of difference in ethics, morals, age and experience).
- expectations from people…the behaviour/respect/manners expected from a person especially in a forced relation.
Unfortunately, since some relations are forced or inescapable/obligatory, we have to learn to deal with unpleasant situations. So how does one get rid of these negative emotions? One thing that is obvious is having control on the mind and actually living the present moment…not just being there physically but even mentally. Forcing yourself to get out of this mental situation.
- Do something that interests you
- relax...yoga/any kind of relaxation technique… deep breathing could help
- speaking to someone about a different topic
- reading something interesting
- try as much as possible to avoid situations/ people/issues which cause anger...
- most important: understanding the uselessness of these compulsive thoughts
can be ways out…at least that’s what has helped me always! And for all you know, you’ve been wasting your time analyzing someone’s thoughts and actions when the person who made u think about all this wouldn’t even have a faint clue of what he/she’s sparked off. Eventually, you are the one at loss and not them…your mind is filled with negative thoughts, and not theirs…especially when you could be thinking of/doing something worthwhile.
And worse…if these thoughts lead to some serious problems, no one will take responsibility for the consequences. Also, if this anger happens to find vent one fine day, it would lead to an ugly scene and therefore leave behind a bad taste for a long time to come.
"Enjoy the present moment...don't let the past affect your future "